Lisa's Basket

First off I want to say that I don’t write this so you guys ask me if I’m fine, I’m obviously not so stop asking god damn it. I just wanted t share this so someone knows I’m crying, I’ve been crying the past few month due to all the drama with my bf, and no one knew because I was to scared to tell people because I still hoped it’ll all turn out fine…it didn’t ><

Most of you might already know this.

Yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend, it hasn’t even been a day yet… After it I spent most of the day crying, I could barely calm down, whenever I did I immediately started crying again. I informed everyone so no one would go “ohey how’s your bf?” anymore at me and would make me cry. I eventually cried myself to sleep past 3AM, (I just woke up and I was barely awake and felt the tears roll down my cheeks, still crying as I’m writing this) When I woke up I was already in tears because I had a wonderful dream… even though we broke up, he came over to my place for a last time (He’s living 1.800km away) We had a lot of fun… and it felt so real… I could feel his hugs in this dream… I still love him so much and it really hurts…

It’s like… my mind wanted me to have a happy goodbye to this with this  dream…god I can’t stop crying…. fuck my keypad is all wet… did you guys know the mousepad thingy on a notebook won’t work if your fingertips are wet?

So like, I have no idea why I’m posting this, I’m usually not the person to do this, I DO whine a lot about random stuff…but I always felt like sharing my emotions with the net would be attentionwhoreing… but…I somehow wanted to share this last dream I had about him… I knew we broke up in this dream.. and yet it was so nice >< I’m probably never going to hug him again.. prolly not even going to see him again….

He’s a total douchebag so I don’t even know why I’m loving that dick, but I do…

Fuck… I can’t believe it’s over…

I guess it’s so bad for me because it was my first real love… I’ve never felt something like I felt for him for any other person… I hope I’ll be bale to feel it again someday… and that it’ll last longer…

(And now I have to calm the fuck down because I’ve to go to school in like an hour)

P.S.: I feel weird posting something like this, because I usually think “you stupid bitch there are tons of people having bigger problems than you crying more than you do so why would you post something like this” but… I still want to share this, because I kept it a secret to most people up till now, I couldn’t even tell my mom about everything because she loved him so much as well… everyone thought we’d be perfect for each other and this …this just really hurts….

There is a picture I drew for him for Christmas… —-even though he didn’t love me back then he still accepted parcels I send over to him :v —- anyways, I want to share those last pics I drew of us, but since I’m on my notebook right now I can’t. I will once I get back from school. 

I’m also psoting this before shcool so it’ll at least stay here for those 8 hours I’m pretty sure I’m gonna go nuts about this post later and might delete it. but I’ll try not to.

and don’t worry, you prolly won’t hear from me anymore about this matter, I’ll go back crying to myself and annoy close friends xP

Have a nice day.

minakonumnums:

Gotta raid Wal-Mart.

Because I’m a bad girlfriend.

I was totally looking forward to that! But when I stopped by [German store name) earlier today they didn’t have anything on sale :c